


Of Humpees and Cherry Pies.

by kmi85



Series: Oblivious Jen [3]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26152768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmi85/pseuds/kmi85
Summary: Chris is fed up with Jen's denial.Pre-relationship.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Series: Oblivious Jen [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802323
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Of Humpees and Cherry Pies.

“Jude, c’mon. I’m gonna go on my run.”

“You don’t have to, with a killer bod like that – damn.” The other woman mumbled sleepily, pulling Jen closer.

“Jude…”

“Just five more minutes, c’mon.” Judy whined, snuggling closer. “I’ll even let you hump me,”

“What?!”

“Mhm, I’ll even moan.”

“What the fuck, Jude?”

“Mmm… that’s it baby.”

“Get off, you weirdo.” Jen said pushing the woman off her and finally escaping the bed.

“I was trying to get _you_ off.” Judy cackled grabbing a hold of Jen’s abandoned pillow. “This is the thanks I get? You ingrate. Don’t say I never do anything for you.” Judy then groaned into the pillow. “Ugh, why you gotta wake up so early?”

“Cuz we can’t all have your body at this age without exercising.”

“You can have my body anytime you want.”

“ _Jude!”_

* * *

  
“I almost didn’t get out of bed this morning,” Chris said. “Sometimes it’s like, why bother? Specially with little Adele - that furry Diva.”

“Ugh I get it. It was hard to get up this morning. Judy wouldn’t let me leave the bed this morning.”

“ _Gasp!”_ Chris said suddenly getting over his grogginess. “Oooh, tell me all about it. Is that why you are walking funny?” He said waggling his eyebrows.

“What? Ew, get your mind out of the gutter – I swear to god.”

“Hmm…”

“ _Hmm_ … what, Chris?”

“So, thanks for confirming that you are in fact sleeping together-“

“ _Sharing_ a bed-“

“Oh, my bad-” Chris rolled his eyes. “ _sharing_ a bed with Judy.”

“Yeah, so?”

“You. Sharing. Your _bed_. You who _doesn’t_ share. Who also, doesn’t cuddle because she thinks it is gross. And yet you keep insisting you two don’t have a thing.”

“Yeah, well, that’s cuz we don’t.”

“So, let me get this as straight _as it is not_ as possible.” Chris started ticking off his fingers. “You share a house and your kids with a known bisexual - possibly pansexual actually - who is gorgeous by the way, killer legs, and you also share your bed but – no homo.”

“Yeah, Chris. No homo.”

“And she happily cooks all the meals, and goes grocery shopping with you, and you share your wine with her, your _wine_ Jennifer, but no homo.”

“Yes!”

Chris rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time. “God, I feel for Judy.”

* * *

“Nope, I don’t think so.”

“What?”

“No cuddling for you Jude. Don’t want you humping me in my sleep.”

“For the record, I offered to be the humpee – not the other way around.”

“Yeah well, doesn’t change things.”

“Wait,” Judy frowned. “Are you serious?”

“Yep. G’night.”

“Jeeen.”

“Nope. Goodnight.”

* * *

_THE NEXT DAY…  
  
_“Why are you mad now, Jen?” Chris asked rolling his eyes.

“Judy didn’t let me have any of her pie!” Jen fumed.

“Oooh! Trouble in paradise.”

“Oh, for fucks sake – her _cherry pie_ , you pervert!”

“I’ve heard it is tart…” Chris said wiggling his eyebrows.

“Ew. Fuck off. And no, it is not tart. It’s fucking delicious-”

“I bet it is moist too.”

“For fuck’s sake Chris! An _actual_ fucking _pie_ she _fucking baked_ you insolent fucker!” Jen smacked his arm.

* * *

“I can’t believe you didn’t let me have any pie.” Jen said as they got ready for bed.

“Yes well, you know why.”

“Cuz I didn’t let you cuddle up to me yesterday, are you serious?”

“Yup.”

“So you baked a revenge pie to get back at me?”

Judy laughed.

“I baked a pie. Period. No revenge. A pie not meant for you. A pie meant for Karen.”

“That’s low Jude. You know I love your goddamn cherry pie. A pie you shouldn’t have baked because I’m still on a diet. And fuck Karen.”

“Well, that’ll teach you.” Judy said, kissing her cheek and turning off the lamp on her nightstand. “Goodnight Jen.”

Jen scoffed. “Night.”

Several minutes went by with Jen trying to get comfortable and failing at every turn. She looked over her left side and saw Judy was seemingly settled in for the night – her back to her.

“Well?” She asked expectantly. “Jude.”

“Hmm?”

“Aren’t you going to – you know.” Jen cleared her throat. “Do the thing.”

Judy smiled in the dark. “What?”

“You know – do your whole koala routine.”

“Nope,” Judy shook her head. “I thought you said you were afraid I might hump you.”

“Well, you can cuddle up to me now.”

“Nah, I’m good thanks.”

“What?”

“Yup. G’night.”

“Seriously?” No response. “Fucking unbelievable.”

* * *

  
_THE NEXT DAY…_  
  
“Make a move.” Chris said while taking a sip of the coffee they had just gotten.

“Why do I have to be the one that has to make a move?”

“Because I’m sure she has made all the moves and you are just an idiot that hasn’t picked up on that. You are dense.”

“Rude.” Jen scoffed self-consciously.

“Jen, I’m positive, _po-si-ti-ve_ , she could lie down on your bed naked, spread her legs _for you_ and you’d probably think she wants to compare pussies. In fact, if she were to ask you to pet her pussy you’d probably say, ‘Oh, I didn’t know you had a cat.’”

“I’m not that bad!”

“You are that bad, honey. You are giving Judy emotional blue balls. Poor woman.”

“Well, hey I’m rusty. I was with the same person for over 20 years, y’know.”

“You can’t be serious,” Chris stared at her. “This is not the first time in those twenty years that someone has flirted with you, and you know it.”

“Yeah well-“

“And Judy is definitely _not_ the first woman to flirt with you so don’t say that is why you haven’t been able to pick up on that.”

Jen brushed imaginary lint off her jacket. “I wasn’t.”

“You flirt back and then you back off and pretend there was never any flirting.”

“I don’t – I haven’t flirted with Judy! It’s just how we interact.”

“God help me. You are a mess.”

“Hey! I- it- Judy flirts with everyone!”

“Yeah but she only wants you!”

“What the fuck would you know?!”

“Make a move Jen,” Chris sighed tiredly, “because if you don’t, another Michelle might just snatch her away from you. Michelle - who, recapping, is a good-looking woman, _a chef_ for heaven’s sake, who got along great with Judy and rocked her world in a night, do you want that to happen again? Cuz honey, you are a terrible cook and you can’t compete with a chef. And food is the way to a person’s heart, something you are quite aware of, Jennifer, because Judy also happens to be a great cook and you’ve been scarfing down all her pies!” Chris took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “And Judy is a catch. A catch that loves your dense head and your kids, by the way.” Chris scoffed. “Why do I gotta explain this to you, you useless bisexual?”

Jen scoffed in response.

“You already got over the hard part – which is getting people to like you. Some offense.”

“Offense fucking taken!”

“You found someone who loves your and your kids and who is great for _and_ your kids Jen. Don’t be afraid to move on. You might have not been looking for her or for anyone for that matter, but you found each other and she makes you happy. You owe to yourself to be happy, Jen.”


End file.
